chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
