The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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