Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
