dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
