i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
