i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
