As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
