it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
