I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
