I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
