sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
