He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
