Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
