Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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