That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize