you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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