Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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