Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
