I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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