just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
