Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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