shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
