I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
