wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
