just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sobbing to NWA
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
