remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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