I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
