You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
