I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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