I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
