i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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