I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
