New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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