Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
