So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
