can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
