Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize