my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
