State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found puke in my bra..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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