So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
