The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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