do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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