Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
