Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
