You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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