why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
