just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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