Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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