Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
