your parents love me but you hate me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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