This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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