Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
