Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
