Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
