The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
