Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
