If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
