Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
