some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
