You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
