Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
