so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
