By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well I just put wine in my tea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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