I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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