Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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