Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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