I seem to have left my pride at pride
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
