Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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