He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
