I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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