Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
