First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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