in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just want nice things and good sex
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
