i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
