I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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